ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
