VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize