thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
