I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
