My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize