his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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