I am puke
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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