Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
