I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
