I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
should my penis look like a turkey
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize