At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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