so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
