i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
