So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
