The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
