Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
