My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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