The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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