I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize