Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So squirting runs in the family.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
