I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
