We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
