just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
