Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
