$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Apparently you make a good broom.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
