Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
