just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
