why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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