i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
only you would photoshop your dick
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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