Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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