If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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