So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
