So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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