whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
