It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize