Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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