your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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