my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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