too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
