Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize