I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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