New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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