i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hippo gnu deer
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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