I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
