I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Randomize
