You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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