I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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