I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
