we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Panties = found
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
