we're blogging at a bar
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
