she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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