what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
