I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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