Where is the hickey?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
