My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
