i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
