his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Randomize
