This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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