i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
