We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
