the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize