its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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