sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
