Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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