why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
