I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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