Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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