We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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